I’ve decided to blog about a topic I’m quite knowledgeable about because not only am I an in law, I have tons and tons in my family. First of all, why do we refer to our spouses’ families as the in laws, considering it could easily be confused with the word outlaws. Sometimes it carries the same meaning, slated to mean something closer, almost familial, but viscerally it comes across with more stigma then love or affection.
I have some great in laws.
First, they live in another country. It would take them approximately 10 hours to get to my front door, and that doesn’t even include travel time to and from the airport. The blinding blessing is that I never have to worry about an unanticipated visit. Additionally, now that I’m moving to Bangkok, bringing travel time to 12 hours, it’s very unlikely that a visit will be forthcoming any time in the foreseeable future.
I am in a great situation with my in laws. They appreciate my quirkiness because it’s only once a year, sometimes every other year. I appreciate their culture and idiosyncrasies so long as it’s only two-three weeks a year. All in all, they rarely see me and I rarely see them. I think the arrangement has worked well for everyone, except, of course, Hubby.
Hubby enjoys spending time with Binlaw, but Binlaw is usually either too busy or indifferent to visit more than once a year. Probably best since every time they get together there’s an inexplicable coincidence that there’s never any alcohol left in the house. Interestingly, albeit bizarre, they tend to suffer from momentary black out periods, which I have a nagging suspicion is alcohol induced particularly since recovery usually takes effect soon after Binlaw leaves.
I have other in laws – those married to my siblings and those wishing to become a member. Lets talk about the latter.
It’s fascinating to encounter people that have such strong, misguided inclinations to become a part of an in law group. Foolishly, they demonstrate absolute entitlement to be a member despite the lack of any effort or invitation. Mere association with a member of the group does not automatically, indoctrinate, or entitle you to the benefits that existing members have been paying their hard earned dues for. That’s pure arrogance, if not ignorant. Everyone should pay their dues before becoming a member. How else will you earn the respect and acceptance from the group members? Do you go to Costco without paying your membership dues? Can you go to the gym without paying first month, last month, and processing fees?
Some people gain quasi- in law status simply because they have attended all the meetings and over time, have endured to become equivalent to a fixture, such as a secretary takes notes, you come to rely on the member that comes to every meeting. So you can certainly gain quasi-in law status by default. Not a true full-fledged member, nonetheless entitled to most of the benefits. Compare that to people who show up for one or two meetings and foolishly, deludely, think that they are now card carrying members.
Personally, I think to be an in law, you have to commit to the entire looney group and not just the one member you’re associated with. Commitment is a virtue. It requires endurance and hard work – an attribute I find some in laws to be lacking.
So you may want to know why anyone would want to be an in law, let alone one in my family. Well, there’s the food. At every meeting, we eat exotic and comforting foods. It varies from meeting to meeting, but generally it’s an elaborate buffet or some home cooked delicacy. Yummy!
The second reason is the companionship. We are a large, noisy, rambunctious group. We exude warmth and affection, even when we bicker and yell, but the love is visceral.
The third reason is that humans enjoy congregating in groups. Whether socially or otherwise, a group provides strength purely in numbers and confidence as you actually belong to a group. Furthermore, it’s much more fun to be in a group then going at it solo.
Finally, some people just don’t have a choice. You can pick who you marry but not necessarily who they’re related to. Can one emancipate from in laws? Emancipation might be key.
Got McInlaws?