Went out last night to grab a quiet drink and a non-franchised burger, only to encounter the Karaoke caravan from the land of the American Idol wannabes. When gf, Hubby, and I entered, we noticed the sparkling, scintillating lights overhead, the high volume on the big projector shooting eighties videos above the Karaoke machine, and the eclectic group that composed of people that were either over 40 or flamboyantly gay. Being relatively exhausted after a long and arduous day of lifting heavy boxes and cleaning, we were not deterred by a few eccentric characters.
After ordering drinks and food, we slowly realized the full magnitude of our decision to patronize this restaurant. As the music came to halt, we heard the MC announcing what was sadly inevitable, that Karaoke was about to begin and it was absolutely necessary that we search the binders for a song suitable for our turn at the Karaoke stage. We shook our heads and watched in disbelief as one person after the next walked the stage and expelled their rendition of Elton John, Alanis Morrisette, Stevie Nicks, and Jewel. The American Idol hopefuls had one common denominator, they were the size of what a person would look like had they consumed 3 hamburgers about 4 times a week for the last 10 years. That’s equivalent to a qualified candidate for gastric bypass surgery. Saying this though, I must give full credit to the fact that they could all sing brilliantly, despite the visual distraction.
Weight aside, some of them had true potential and all of them must have been religiously practicing at home for the last 5 years as no one can randomly or spontaneously sing that well. Hubby commented that this was the first Karaoke event he’s attended wherein the singers could actually sing. With talent like this, Hubby noted, they would have to pay him an exponential amount of money, or strong alcohol, to get him near that stage. When gf and I stopped laughing we agreed that some of the singers should be auditioning for American Idol.
Our food arrived and we were promptly informed by the MC’s assistant that we had to pick a song (a la Madonna, Ice Ice Baby, The Humpty Dance, or perhaps the Tequila song), and work the stage or else she might lose her job. I commented that hopefully she has a paying day job and gf added that she needs a good attorney. The assistant looked at us, offered to get us Tequila shots to soften the mood, and thankfully, wandered off to the next table.
More interesting and less outlandish, was the fact that a middle aged blind couple signed up individually for their round at the Karaoke stage, and was surprisingly on cue with the lyrics. It was astounding to see how accommodating the audience became and the reception was overwhelming, albeit pretentiously so. Almost.
It was an interesting, satisfactory evening. There was no pity drink from the bartender, no free drink from the eye stalker from the bar, and no calling Binlaw at 4 am to remind him that he needs to keep the purses at room temperature. While the food was boringly average, gf would disagree as she woke up the next morning to nausea and some unpleasantness. At least the beer was cold and the unexpected entertainment was priceless. Anyone touring through the USA should experience this egocentric bit of American culture, because it makes one truly appreciate the Karaoke in this nation.