Michelle Malkin is at it again, and this time she’s placing the blame on illegal immigrants for the financial crisis with WAMU. This misguided woman has taken her credibility to an all time low, which is evident by her fellow conservatives criticizing her for arguing such a far-fetched, conspiracy theory. Normally, her anti-immigrant, illogical reasoning and prejudicial ranting doesn’t phase anyone, but now, even her own party is distances themselves from her. In her most recent blog, she’s blaming the current financial crisis bailout on illegal immgrants, making fellow conservatives cringe with embarrassment.

You’ve heard a lot about Fannie/Freddie and the minority lending shakedowns, but you haven’t heard most commentators/analysts on either the left or the right talk about the massive illegal alien mortgage racket — a topic I’ve reported on for the past five years. That’s because fault lies at the feet of the crime-enabling banking industry and the ethnic lobbyists and the illegal alien-enabling Bush administration.

Malkin argues that illegal immigration may be the cause of this financial crisis, an issue she has been reporting on for the last five years. This radical argument brought out fellow conservatives such as UCLA professor Stephen Bainbridge, who comments:

“Some of my fellow conservatives are not only embarrassing themselves during the financial crisis, they’re embarrassing the rest of us who share that label.”

There’s a lot of room for legitimate criticism of the bailout and there’s a lot of room for partisan point-making to ensure that the public remembers that the Democrats bear more than their fair share of the blame for this mess, but the raving of people like Malkin and Krikorian should be taking place in a padded room in Arkham Asylum not in the public discourse.

Put simply, the freezing up of the credit markets doesn’t have anything to do with either affirmative action or illegal immigration, and people who believe it does are on a par with the conspiracy theorists who think fluoridation is a Chicom plot.” Read it here

Malkin was not the only anti-immigrant activitist speaking out about the the financial crisis. As Bainbridge referred to above, fellow commentator Mark Krikorian basically implied that the crisis is due to minority employees. Say what??

Krikorian of the Center for Immigration Studies, juxtaposed the downfall of Washington Mutual with its competitive diversity policies and programs, insinuating that minority employees were responsible for the bank’s failure. Read it here.

Bainbridge noted some interesting facts which lead to the crisis, none of which had any connection to illegal immigration or ethnic workers.

When you look at the data, it’s true that minorities are slightly over-represented in the sub-prime mortgage market. Yet, whites (non-minorities) received 72.5% of subprime mortgages. Blacks got 16.2% of subprime mortgages, which isn’t all that different from the 12.4% of the general population that blacks comprise. The Hispanics about whom Malkin is so hysterical got only 6.2% of subprime mortgages, significantly less than their 14.8% of the general population. But you don’t find an analysis of that data at blogs like those of Malkin or Krikorian.

Anti-immigrant haters such as Malkin and Krikorian must be living on another planet. Soon they will blame illegal immigration for the war in Iraq.. hmmm, I think Malkin did that already.

Another arrest and another dark bruise to immigrant advocate groups in the US. immigration system. While most advocate for comprehensive immigration reform, wherein millions of immigrants may be removed from the shadow and consequential abuses by employers and substandard health care, there are those that will abuse and exploit the immigration system for economic profits.

Here’s the Press Release regarding the arrest:

ST. PAUL, Minn. - Two men were sentenced Thursday in federal court for participating in a conspiracy that allowed dozens of Chinese nationals to illegally enter the United States based on sham marriages to U.S. citizens. These sentences resulted from an investigation by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE).

U.S. District Court Judge Paul Magnuson sentenced Le Guo Wu, 31, of Philadelphia, Penn., to 30 months in prison and three years of supervised release. Houa Vang, 24, of St. Paul, was sentenced to12 months and one day in prison along with two years of supervised release. Vang and Wu each pleaded guilty earlier this year to conspiring to profit from arranging, facilitating and participating in fraudulent marriages.

“These sentences show that admission to the United States is not for sale,” said Claude Arnold, special agent in charge of ICE’s Office of Investigations in Bloomington. “Such marriage fraud schemes not only undermine the integrity of our nation’s legal immigration system, they also pose a potential threat to national security.”

“This conspiracy used lies and deceit to prey upon our nation’s immigration laws,” said U.S. Attorney Frank J. Magill. “In the end, this was about generating a profit by trafficking United States citizens and Chinese nationals through our immigration visa system. The integrity of our nation’s borders must be maintained, and these types of crimes will be prosecuted.”

According to their plea agreements, Wu, assisted by Vang, led a coordinated effort to pay U.S. citizens to enter into sham marriages with Chinese nationals to illegally evade U.S. immigration laws. Both men admitted to committing marriage fraud for several purposes, including: profiting financially from the arranged marriages, facilitating the fraudulent entry of Chinese aliens into the U.S., and facilitating the fraudulent acquisition of lawful permanent residency by Chinese aliens.

Wu recruited dozens of U.S. citizens in multiple states to participate in the conspiracy beginning in 2004 and continuing through October 2007. He ran the operation from Philadelphia, but also operated in the Twin Cities, Minn.; New York; and from within China. Vang recruited U.S. citizens to participate in the conspiracy.

Both defendants assisted the recruited U.S. citizens with completing and filing petitions and visa applications to facilitate aliens fraudulently entering into the United States. Wu arranged for U.S. citizens to travel to China so they could document their purported relationships with Chinese nationals, and compensated the U.S. citizens for their participation in the conspiracy.

Vang agreed to enter a fraudulent marriage with a Chinese national in 2006, and made trips to China to document the sham relationship. Vang was offered $20,000 for his part in gaining his fraudulent wife’s illegal entry into the U.S., but ultimately received less than that amount.

ICE agents investigated this case; it was prosecuted by Assistant U.S. Attorneys David M. Genrich and LeeAnn K. Bell.

These people are disgusting because as they continue to flagrantly disregard and violate the law, they do it in the name of the ultimate good for immigrant families.  First of all, if a Chinese family living in China can afford to pay $20,000 - $40,000 to have a child married off in a sham marriage, they are not exactly considered disadvantaged in their home country. In situations like this, we applaud the Immigration and Customs Enforcement officers for this keen investigative work in bringing down these criminal mavericks who egregiously flout our immigration laws.

Many Americans tuned in to the story about the mysterious death of reality star Anna Nicole Smith. Now that her autopsy has been made public, the media reports are moving on to the next tidbit of tabloid, Anna Nicole Smith’s baby’s father and the legal battle to determine who has custody, visitations, guardianship, and inevitably, the claim to the late J. Howard Marshall’s millions. This exaggeration of the truth is a typical ploy by the media to further exploit and insult the viewers’ intelligence. It is not likely that the baby, Dannylynn, will ever receive the millions that the media has been teasing viewers about. On the contrary, legal experts believe the media is perpetuating what is equivalent to a legal myth. What Dannylynn will find is an exorbitant amount of litigation fees associated with defending her mother’s legal claims against the Marshalls.

Here’s the real deal with Anna Nicole Smith’s legal struggle in probate court. When J. Howard Marshall passed away, Smith’s legal claims against his estate was tenuous. After six months of sorting through testimonies and substantial evidence, the jury trial concluded that Marshall’s will and estate plan was not interfered with. The Texas probate court held that Marshall’s son, Pierce, was the legitimate heir to the estate, and substantative evidence support the contention that this was the true intention of the late Marshall.

In the midst of the trial, Smith went forum shopping and filed a bankruptcy claim in California federal court. The judge in bankruptcy court awarded Smith nearly $450 million she claimed her late husband had intended to gift to her, but for Pierce’s tortious interference with the gift. On appeal, the court federal district court in California vacated the $450 million award, reviewed the case de novo, and reduce the award to $88 million. Still with me? How about this extra bit of footnote here. How did the bankruptcy court and the federal district court take such a short time to go through evidentiary issues that the Texas court took six months to review? Well, due to judicial efficiency, the federal and bankruptcy courts did not allow most of the witnesses to testify and it basically reviewed depositions from the Texas court. Not quite the same result, which was what Smith’s legal team was hoping for.

The U.S. Court of Appeals for the 9th Circuit, the highest appeals court in the 9th Circuit which includes California, overruled the $88 million award and held that neither the bankruptcy court nor the federal district court had any ability to make such rulings on this matter because federal “probate exception” denied federal jurisdiction over probate matters. At the U.S. Supreme Court level, the highest court of the land, overruled the 9th Circuit court and stated that their ruling was overly broad and remanded the case to the 9th Circuit to assess the case on its merits. The case is with the 9th Circuit now.

What happened to the Texas probate court’s judgment? Good question. Now that the case is with the 9th Circuit, they will determine whether there was a final ruling on the matter, and most legal experts agree that the Texas probate court jury trial did result in a final judgment. This being the case, Smith’s legal claims are extinguished. Due to the fact that the Texas court had a jury trial with substantial evidence and witnesses, the fact that it was concluded before the federal district court issued its ruling by vacating the judgment award by the bankruptcy court, and judicial efficiency, it is reasonable to conclude that the 9th Circuit will affirm the judgment issued by the Texas probate court.

More importantly, the legal doctrine of “res judicata,” which means in Latin that the matter has already been adjudicated, is primarily at issue here. In this case, the matter was decided in Texas and finding otherwise would violate the intentions of the Constitution, which establishes for litigants a certain finality so that defendants may not have to defend the same claim repeatedly. Why not dismiss the case? Not likely, but the 9th Circuit will probably defer to the findings from the Texas court.

Once Dannylynn’s claims are extinguished, which it inevitably will, what remains is a mound of legal bills incurred by her mother’s legal claims against Marshall’s estate. Lets see how many relatives will fight for custody of her then. Media reports have embellished claims that Dannylyn is worth millions and the biological father or legal guardian, may stake claims to her millions until Dannylynn is of legal age. This headline grabs people’s attention and makes it tantalizing, despite it blatant incongruencies. The media perpetuate this legal myth because no one is questioning the validity of celebrity news. What is specualtion becomes fact, when in actuality, it is pure fiction.

The past couple of days has been inundated with media reports and coverage of the latest school shooting at Virginia Tech, a small town with a virtually unknown college. It was until two days ago when South Korean born Hui Seung Cho pillaged the student campus and left 32 dead and killed himself in the process. Today the FBI released the video clip that Cho mailed prior to the second shooting, wherein he blasted the middle class debauchery of the student body and their “hedonistic needs.”

Most people are left baffled by Cho’s bizarre behavior and flabbergasted by the deaths resulting from his destructive violence.

It would be effortless to blame the lax gun control laws in the United States, to blame the college for not responding to students concerns about Cho’s odd writings, to attribute it to ethnic minorities, or to point the finger at the police for not being proactive after the first shooting. No one knows why this happened, everyone is in shock and searching for a plausible explanation.

One aspect of this mayhem that has been mysterious is Cho’s family upbringing. Perhaps Cho was abused as a child, neglected as an adolescent, and ostracized as an adult, all culminating to the estranged man that wielded the deadly weapon. Perhaps he identified with the media’s daily depiction of violence in the entertainment industry and the coverage in the daily news. Perhaps he was socially tormented by his peers and identified with infamous loners such as Timothy McVeigh of the Oklahoma bombing or Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris of the Columbine shooting. Perhaps acquiring the gun was simply too easy and gun laws should be more rigorous. These are questions that will debated and scrutinized by the public until some of the pain, grief and anger subside.

What could have prevented this senseless tragedy? Could it have been prevented? One can ponder for years and experts will analyze it in crime reports and scholarly journals, but in most cases of vicious killings, the truth may never be known.

Of all the whacky news that I ingest daily, this astronaut angle has me confounded. Been mulling it over in my pinky head and cannot conclusively or satisfactorily digest what I’ve been reading. it boggles me that someone with such a stellar career and enviable success can be fallible on such a colossal level.

I devour every bit of published information on the web as to attempt to comprehend what would push a highly intelligent person to commit such a violent and despicable act. Some people inferred that she was perhaps momentarily insane, possible alcohol or drug induced, and caved to the intense pressure of her emotions. Some experts claim that she suffered from mental anguish, that pressure from her career and livelihood was unbearable and inexplicably destroyed her sense of rationale. While only Lisa Nowak can really attest to her mental state, it’s plausible that she was not prepared for pressure from her emotions - as we’ve all seen with OJ Simpson.

Shaking my head as I cannot imagine the rage or thought process Nowak must have experienced to cause her to risk her entire life, liberty, and family to pepper spray a woman that was interested in a fellow astronaut she allegedly was infatuated with. It’s deeply disturbing that someome as accomplished as Nowak can fall off the sanity wagon, as it signals to the rest of us that we’re screwed. If rationale did not prevail for Nowak, an engineer selected by NASA to fly in the space mission and to join their elite club of space incorps, then what hope does the rest of us have when our emotions strike us. Lets just hope we have a good criminal defense attorney, or is one.

This peculiar situation has created a media frenzy which leaves many with the mind-boggling, head scratching question; what was she thinking?

Lisa Novak is no ordinary individual. She has an accomplished, stellar career in the elite club of the U.S. astronaut corps, a predominantly male club that she ingratiated herself into. Not only has she beaten the odds by being one of the few women who have been on a space mission, she has accomplished this before age 50 and simultaneously managed to raise three kids at the same time. After extensive psychological testing and rigorous training, Novak was selected to venture on the July 2006 space mission where she was in charge of one of the robotic arms of international space shuttle. Since the United States chose the first seven astronauts for its Mercury manned space program in 1959, only 321 U.S. citizens have been admitted to the elite ranks of those with the elusive “right stuff” to fly in space.

Considering the level of scrutiny and security clearance that Novak underwent, it evidently did not registered that she might be emotionally unstable when it comes to her personal love life. Evidently she took meaningful measures to ensure that every detail was calculated for prime execution, an attribute of her NASA training. While she appears to be a successful professional woman, personally she may have been obsessed with gaining the affection of another fellow.

What would drive a brilliant astronaut to take calculated measures to harm another person? While these are allegations in the early stages of a criminal investigation, it’s analogous to the OJ Simpson freeway chase; innocent people do not carry weapons or a large amount of cash with them any time during or after the suspicious act. As incredulous as the revelation that OJ Simpson has written a book about what if he had killed his ex-wife and her male friend, it’s fascinating to watch the events unfold in Novak’s love triangle story. Perhaps she was driven to the point of insanity and allowed her emotions overcome her good sense. Perhaps she thought that with NASA’s backing she could get away with murder. More likely than not it was probably an exaggerated account of what is a colossal miscommunication.

Went out last night to grab a quiet drink and a non-franchised burger, only to encounter the Karaoke caravan from the land of the American Idol wannabes. When gf, Hubby, and I entered, we noticed the sparkling, scintillating lights overhead, the high volume on the big projector shooting eighties videos above the Karaoke machine, and the eclectic group that composed of people that were either over 40 or flamboyantly gay. Being relatively exhausted after a long and arduous day of lifting heavy boxes and cleaning, we were not deterred by a few eccentric characters.

After ordering drinks and food, we slowly realized the full magnitude of our decision to patronize this restaurant. As the music came to halt, we heard the MC announcing what was sadly inevitable, that Karaoke was about to begin and it was absolutely necessary that we search the binders for a song suitable for our turn at the Karaoke stage. We shook our heads and watched in disbelief as one person after the next walked the stage and expelled their rendition of Elton John, Alanis Morrisette, Stevie Nicks, and Jewel. The American Idol hopefuls had one common denominator, they were the size of what a person would look like had they consumed 3 hamburgers about 4 times a week for the last 10 years. That’s equivalent to a qualified candidate for gastric bypass surgery. Saying this though, I must give full credit to the fact that they could all sing brilliantly, despite the visual distraction.

Weight aside, some of them had true potential and all of them must have been religiously practicing at home for the last 5 years as no one can randomly or spontaneously sing that well. Hubby commented that this was the first Karaoke event he’s attended wherein the singers could actually sing. With talent like this, Hubby noted, they would have to pay him an exponential amount of money, or strong alcohol, to get him near that stage. When gf and I stopped laughing we agreed that some of the singers should be auditioning for American Idol.

Our food arrived and we were promptly informed by the MC’s assistant that we had to pick a song (a la Madonna, Ice Ice Baby, The Humpty Dance, or perhaps the Tequila song), and work the stage or else she might lose her job. I commented that hopefully she has a paying day job and gf added that she needs a good attorney. The assistant looked at us, offered to get us Tequila shots to soften the mood, and thankfully, wandered off to the next table.

More interesting and less outlandish, was the fact that a middle aged blind couple signed up individually for their round at the Karaoke stage, and was surprisingly on cue with the lyrics. It was astounding to see how accommodating the audience became and the reception was overwhelming, albeit pretentiously so. Almost.

It was an interesting, satisfactory evening. There was no pity drink from the bartender, no free drink from the eye stalker from the bar, and no calling Binlaw at 4 am to remind him that he needs to keep the purses at room temperature. While the food was boringly average, gf would disagree as she woke up the next morning to nausea and some unpleasantness. At least the beer was cold and the unexpected entertainment was priceless. Anyone touring through the USA should experience this egocentric bit of American culture, because it makes one truly appreciate the Karaoke in this nation.

I have been trying, albeit on a somewhat inconsistent basis, to find a way to disengage from my parents, and have frustratingly concluded that it’s like removing the white from the rice that Asians are partial to. It is hard enough to handle your own baggage, dealing with your intellectually challenged asinine boss, failed relationships and unremarkable experiences, then to have to deal with the residual dysfunctional issues from your organic producers.

While some people cleverly develop a natural inclination to detour from any familial ties, I find it quite arduous to sustain any egregiously negative emotions toward my mother. While I can disengage from certain friends, and even Hubby at times, I simply cannot flip off the emotional switch when it comes to mother. Perhaps it’s the nature of mothers that makes it inconceivable to just not give a toss.

Mothers are hard to comprehend and neglect because regardless of the countless incidents of inexplicable failures and social disasters in your life, they are always there. Few siblings, not to mention friends, will stick around after the first few puke sessions, let alone a life time of it. Mothers always seem to worry about your daily nutritional intake, your conspicuous cough or sneeze, and your struggling career, something that most people barely feign interest in. Despite the misguided ineptness you feel because you dishearteningly think you never seem to measure up to their notion of the ideal son or daughter, you never truly feel like an outsider or disregarded in their life in the same fashion that friends or spouses may make you feel.

Perhaps my perspective on mothers is predisposed because I only have one parent, and ostensively abandoning her while I gallivant off to Thailand has put me in an emotional pickle. Confounded by sporadic episodes of guilt and depression, I have resorted to writing down all the things I would like to say to mother prior to departure. I’ve taken some proactive measures by scribbling on my invisible notepad all the things I want to coherently articulate, meanwhile mentally preparing myself for the likelihood of a psychotic breakdown accompanying her reaction. In anticipation of said breakdown, I’ve prepared three strategic responses to her apprehensive reaction.

Tell her the trip may be relatively short, and with the inevitable failure of my mission to acclimatize to living abroad, that she will probably see me within three months begging for unrecompensed room and board.

Tell her that I will have a particularly astonishing ocean view apartment in Thailand where she is welcome to come and stay for as long as she wants.

Tell her that Hubby plans to financially support me while I laze around in the lap of extended vacations and life of luxury and decadence, a life which she would be proud of.

While I’m cautiously optimistic of the measurable truth in each scenario, I must be prepared for the consequential worst case scenario, wherein she spews a self-righteous tirade about how thoughtless I am for barbarically abandoning her in my pursuit of a surreal utopia. I hope that’s not the case. Mothers do not practice cruel kindness, right?

Even if she does thrust forward a tirade of guilt-ridden judgments about my mystifying decision to gallivant to Thailand, it’s disingenuous to deplore mother just because of the powerful, omnipotent love which involuntarily forces her to behave in this deranged, mentally unstable manner.

I watched with apprehension and disbelieve as the dimwitted woman signaled to her drunken male friend to help her move the precious green sofa that she had just purchased from me. The disoriented man was heavily inebriated, and judging from the smell exuding from his breathe, he’d been in that drunken state for a few hours. Poor Hubby was the accidental victim of said stupor as drunk skunk kept shoving the heavy sectional toward him and pinning him against the wall.

On top of that, drunk skunk’s “assistant” further worsened my misery and pain as I helplessly stood by and watched them emasculate my furniture. Assistant proceeded to use her muddy shoes to carelessly stomp on a section of the sofa in her attempt to force it through the narrow hallway of my home. I presumed it never occurred to drunk’s assistant to maneuver the sectional and not force the thing to bend, but then again, judging by the company she keeps it’s easy to understand her misguided logic.

After helplessly watching for what seemed like hours, I finally gave up and retreated to my empty bedroom. Seems even the picture frame I have of my family is gone. While sitting on the floor of my dark and hallow room, I envision the drunk skunk and his assistant tearing off the edges of the sofa and ripping into the cushions while they attempt to negotiate it into their abode. Why did she ask her inebriated friend and his equally disabled assistant to help her? Rhetorical question as she’s in good company.

There’s only two explanations for this perplexing behavior. They’re either not very good friends, which logically flows from the way they mistreated her new sofa, or they were preemptive about the three day weekend ahead. Either way, the utter lack of respect and conscientiousness shown to her new furniture appalled me on a fundamental level. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist, nuclear physicist, immigration attorney, or brain surgeon to know that things do not last if you mistreat it. Additionally, if you’re unfortunate enough to be volunteered into moving someone’s furniture, at least have the courtesy of removing your shoes before you stomp on their belongings, particularly when the astonished owner is glaring at you with jaw dropped!!

As I listened to them descend the stairs, I had another thought. Perhaps I can refund them their money, eject them from the house, and have the sofa shipped to the in laws. They seem to have plenty of storage space and eventually I’d make my way there to reclaim it along with my designer bags. Hmmmm… the only remaining issue is how to get Binlaw to agree to pay for the shipping cost.

Birthdays suck. It’s a constant reminder that life is moving along and that time is not your friend. Neither is gravity. Who are your friends when it comes to birthdays? Do people who send you a card once a year and see you every other year considered your friends even though they know the name of your dog, spouse, mother, and father? Finally, do you consider family members your friends?

Firstly, family members are in a different category, particularly in laws. They are sort of quasi-friends and quasi-family, but lets be honest, most of us truly think they are synonymous with outlaws. They aren’t really family, hence “in law,” as in family only by a legal technicality. Anything by legal technicality means that it’s by default and is barely acceptable except for some brilliant genealogist who decided that by marriage everyone should be related. Go figure. Bad enough you have legal and social commitments to one person, by marriage you are obligated to the whole clan! Don’t forget the clan’s kids and their in laws as they are legally family as well. If you’re fortunate enough to have in laws that are similar to you in age, background, interests, and taste in alcohol, you’re on your way to being quasi-friends.

People who know you at the office are what I consider acquaintances, merely because they may know “of you” as in your coffee habit, your work dalliances, and your incessant need for the brown spot on your nose, but they do not know how you retaliate after work. That’s what makes you the uniquely interesting person that you constantly strive to be. That’s what makes you brilliantly different from the passive aggressive assholes that surrounds you every day. Additionally, do your work mates really know what your favorite beverage is? Do they know how many anonymous partners you’ve been with in the last 6 months? Do they know that when you come home from work you fantasize about bringing an AK 47 to work the next day and blowing them all away? Do they know that you drink to keep them at bay? Do they know that after you puke your head out, you curl up into the fetal position with your pinchy rabbit and suck your thumb until sleep inundates you? Unless they know a little bit about your provocative, vulgar inner you, they are not your friends.

Finally, what about people that send you postcards once or twice a year but you can barely remember their faces? Do they count as friends? (Insert eye rolling, heavy sigh here) Lets be brutally, insensitively honest, these people are anal retentive and they have installed your information into their calendar because of one of the three following reasons. First, they’ve reached a pinnacle in their life, meaning they have faced some sort of life/death moment and are reaching out so that when their time come, they will have people at their funeral. Secondly, they have created an interest in you where there’s a false, or true, belief that you might be of value to them down the line. We’ve all seen Hotel Rwanda so we know what brownie points are all about. Alternatively, they truly value your friendship and want to stay in touch. Thirdly, they are curious, nosy sons of bitches that are only interested in hearing about your pitfalls and eventual demise. By staying in touch with you they are on top of the inevitable downward spiral that they hope your superficially glorious life will take. (Nodding) Yes, I think we all have “friends” like this. Some of them fall under the family category too.

So if it’s your birthday, go celebrate by yourself and hope that everyone forgets. Who wants to be reminded that you’re a year older and one step closer to collecting social security, or that you need to stop procrastinating and pick your head stone already. On the other hand, if you have true friends they’d take you out and not mention the “B” word and buy you just enough drinks until you think you are the hottest thing at the bar. At least when they hold your head over the porcelain God you know that you are with true friends, not some asshole who reminds you five days a week that you need to find another job.

Happy Birthday!!!

Called Continental Airlines today to inquire about credit that I accrued because I had canceled a flight to the Bahamas. Was put on hold for 40 minutes before I decided to try again another time. Not sure why it took me 40 minutes to come to that decision but it’s probably due to the fact that while I had it on speaker phone I had forgotten that I was still on hold.

Called back again an hour later and the wait was 5 minutes, but in this twisted universe, I wish I had disconnected earlier. The weenie that answered informed me that not only will I not be able to use the credit for anything other then another flight, I will have to pay an extra $100 to use the credit. Upon hearing this, I asked that she confirm what she had just said, and then it turned ugly. She was starting her spiel from the beginning, as most “well-trained” customer service representatives are told to do, I interrupted her to tell her that it was not necessary to repeat her spiel but to just cut to the part about the $100 fee. Weenie said that had I not interrupted her she would have gotten to that point. Taking a deep, slow breathe, I informed her that I don’t need the spiel this morning, best if she saves it for someone who needs to hear it three, maybe four times, that I only need the bottom line. Get to point of the question, please. Weenie indicated that I needed to book another flight, but depending on the cost of the ticket, I may need to pay the difference and if it’s less, I’d get another travel voucher.

I had another question, I asked if that means I would be charged another $100 for using the voucher. The spiel started again from the beginning…. Big breathe now as I asked her to save me from another repeat of aggravation and near lunacy as I was about to inform her that this would be the third time I heard the spiel. After the 40 minutes on hold, I was not prepared for another 6 minutes of repeat as weenie read from a prepared handbook on the company’s policy on purchasing tickets/cancellation and how to treat customers that are smarter then them. I was prepared for a simple, “yes, we will greedily charge you an additional $100 for each and every time you want to use your credit because we’re the slime bucket of the corporate world designed to suck any living joy and cash out of your pocket to enrich our directors’ wallets and keep the shareholders happy so that we get to keep our customer representative jobs - as that’s exactly what corporate tells us is the most desirable, sought after position in the industry. Only McJob is more desirable. Oh, and yes, you’re correct, we’re heading to bankruptcy to reorganize because people are catching on that we’re blood-sucking leeches trying to fatten our wallets and the investors are pulling out their capital and the government is refusing to back our loans.” Oops, I digress.. lets get back to the moral of this story.

Thirty seconds later and I was able to get winch to confirm that yes, it would cause me another $100 to use the travel voucher if I were lucky enough to have any credit left after booking the flight.

Why is it so difficult for people to think outside the box and actually provide services that you want rather than what they think you need? Further, why is rudeness so prevalent in the customer service industry? Is that part of their training? It goes something like this, when a customer asks if you can confirm this information with a yes/no response, inject attitude and repeat. If this doesn’t work, raise your voice, intimidate and bully so customer will mistake scare tactic as intelligence. If customer should want to ask something you don’t know because you were asleep on the day of this training, inject hostility and try to make customer seem stupid for asking a question you don’t know the answer to. If this doesn’t work, sigh heavily and while speaking loudly and slowly, repeat yourself three times so that customer will think that repetitiveness is equivalent to a high I.Q. Finally, if customer should ask to speak to supervisor, put one of your buddies on the phone - that’s priceless insurance that you will always be the dumbest, rudest customer service representative in the company. Even your buddy will be smarter than you.

Got McJob?

As I sit here and think about what I should and should not say as relevant to the few readers, I’m galvanized by the fact that I need to censor my thoughts and ranting. If I can’t complaint, moan and emote in my own spot then I mind as well go into my closet and get into the fetal position. Life is almost over.

Can’t say what I really think as it might offend, can’t really do what I really want as it might be offend, can’t really emote as much as it might make people uncomfortable, and definitely can’t really blog as much as I might miscommunicate. Here’s the solution!

Say what you want when you blog and deal with the consequences later, if at all. Say what you want while you still can as life, as we’re constantly reminded yet again, is way too short. Do what you like because you might be robbed and lose all your pittance money all too soon, and emote whenever possible as you don’t know when that person will soon not care.

This is all coming at a time when I’m ready, albeit less eager, to leave all I’m comfortable and accustomed to to delve into a land of foreign beer and bizarre idiosyncracies. I no speak Thai! How can I pack over 30 years of life accumulation into two 70 lb bags!! How can I distinguish between items I really need versus what I might need and never need but would like it nonetheless!?!? Honestly, I’ve given so much stuff to Goodwill this year that I should become a shareholder, or start my own non-profit org. I’m keeping Goodwill in style this year!

I decided to ask inlaw to take some stuff to inlaw’s foreign land so to lighten my load at customs in Thailand. Bigger dilemna is to sort out what to send to the cold country versus the weather challenged one. Cold country require warm, thick clothes with long boots whereas Thailand would be great for tanks and shorts - both of which I own none of. Should be simple but I feel separation anxiety from what I know to what I think I may have to inebriated to appreciate. Moaning again.

I’ve censored my moaning so as to not offend. Inlaw said in few words that I need to abrogate my personal belongings to what is essential. Inlaw obviously does not appreciate the fact that for a woman, everything is essential. Need that compact hairdryer, that particular alpha-hydroxide moisturizer and the same top that comes in 5 different colors. There are other items, but since this is about censorship - it shall not be mentioned.

When is inlaw leaving again???